Posts Tagged ‘blowjob’

Phrase of the Weekend – Cock Slobber

Saturday, April 4th, 2009

Long weekend already and it’s only Saturday afternoon. I’ll make it quick because Stuffynose found a R&T where they will lick your balls for $40. I know it’s a recession and it’s a buyers market but that is outrageous. As soon as I’m done here I’m headed down to see for myself. Anyway without further ado a word with multiple definitions…

Cock slobber – 1) The saliva build up that occurs when a chick throat fucks upon a generously proportioned cock. The sobber is usually covering the entire penis and the cock sucker mouth, with occasional strings and bubbles of spit emerging. VERY HOT, VERY RARE

2) The precum that oozes out of aroused dick holes.

1) A good blowjob comes with spit; a great blowjob comes with cock slobber.

2) That chick got me so horny , I pitched a tent full of cock slobber.

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Handjobs

Friday, March 27th, 2009

Listen up girls. I don’t know why anyone living after the 1700’s would find a handjob erotic or even pleasurable. They are like the Bravo channel, gayer than hell and completely pointless. 99% of women don’t know what in the world they’re doing and the remaining 1% work in New York City massage parlors. It’s not Aladin’s lamp; crack your knuckles, stretch out your arms, and fucking jack my cock off as if your life depends on it. Because in reality, it does.

Now I could tell you all of the clichèd male responses about getting handjobs. “I could do it better myself.” “Why not put your mouth on it?” “I don’t care if your parents are home and you have pre-algebra homework, you’re just being lazy.” But that’s not what is so upsetting. I hate the gender gap about masturbating someone of the opposite sex. I don’t have a vagina, but I sure as hell can finger jam any woman’s cunt til her head spins like in “The Exorcist.” Just because you were born inferior and without a penis does not give you the right to be even more useless. Without a mouth and a vagina, womankind would’ve died off eons ago. (Men would have started fucking animals).

If I could send any female to the moon with nothing but three knuckles and heavy breathing, then a woman could easily do the same with two hands, a dirty mouth, and a catholic school girl outfit. So ladies, either pull up your big girl panties and beat my dick like it owes you money, or pull them down and feign interest while I jackhammer away. Either way, don’t be around when I wake up tomorrow.

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