#1) Columbians
Pros:
Not only are they great coke dealers, Columbians usually have friends or cousins working in nursing homes and hospitals, thus they have a very good access to corporate drugs like Vicodin and Percocets. They speak better English than any other Latino, purposely drive shitty cars, and generally try to stay off the radar.
Cons:
Like other Latinos, Columbians are prone to driving under the influence and having ugly, ugly girlfriends.
#2) White People (who act white)
Pros:
White people with drugs are generally easy to find. Go to any large gathering and ask the worst dressed white person there about music. If any response is followed by hand chopping and head banging, that is your man. Usually will be able to get their hands on a diverse plethora of drugs, these white people are handy to have in one’s contact list.
Cons:
White people who act white have a very serious “hanging out” mentality when drugs are involved. Though helpful in scoring free drugs, can become a huge hassle. Also, a high “douche bag” ratio and propensity for exaggeration are common among white people.
#3) Puerto Ricans
Pros:
Also Latino, Puerto Ricans are fairly used to being involved in shady dealings. Can find drugs but expect to wait two to three hours longer than expected and to receive smaller amounts than agreed upon.
Cons:
Though English is close to their first language, they have a knack for butchering it to an almost incomprehensible degree. Again, expect delays and longwinded, ridiculous excuses for reasons why.
#4) White People (who act black)
Pros:
Usually will have good quality marijuana, though this could be hit or miss. Less “hang out” problem than their more Caucasian counterparts.
Cons:
Usually have poor time management skills. Also have very flashy, “please arrest me, officer” demeanor. Drugs, especially cocaine, will be inconsistent at best and pure garbage at worst.
#5) Mexicans
Pros:
Might have drugs? Easy scapegoats.
Cons:
Usually driving drunk and generally acting stupid, Mexicans represent the worst dealers on the Latino spectrum. Inherent trait of not understanding any English words no matter how similar they are to the actual Spanish words of the same definition. After drinking large amounts of tequila without eating sufficient amounts of tacos, will become violent.
#6) Blacks
Pros:
Almost all of them are in fact drug dealers.
Cons:
Despite the media’s portrayal, they are all terrible drug dealers. Their weed is schwag, their coke is an abomination, and they are incredibly difficult to get a hold of. Usually not in business very long.