So a couple of Fridays ago I couldn’t bear to go into the office. Incredible night out on Thursday that almost killed me. In order to be excused from work I had to come clean with my boss. Told him everything. Here is the conversation that occured on our company instant messenger the following Monday. My boss hasn’t looked me in the eye since.
Boss (11:40 AM) do u need to interact with me on anything or have more than enough to do for the time being?
Me (11:40 AM) i’m fine, i’m finishing up the doc right now
Boss (11:41 AM) are you and Girl1 now an item, dating, or was that just an awkward foursome?
Me (11:41 AM) Girl1 is not my girlfriend yet
Me (11:41 AM) and nothing was awkward
Boss (11:42 AM) fair point
Boss (11:42 AM) it was planned?
Me (11:42 AM) no, it was bad decisions all around that night
Me (11:42 AM) JTao thought that it would be a good idea to check into the st regis at 1 or 130 am
Boss (11:42 AM) why?
Me (11:43 AM) i’m not sure there is a good reason
Me (11:44 AM) couldn’t go back to my place
Me (11:44 AM) and they didn’t want to go to their place, i think it was dirty
Me (11:44 AM) and JTao lives way downtown
Boss (11:44 AM) why couldn’t you go back to your place?
Me (11:44 AM) there wasn’t anywhere for us all to hang out, my roommates were all taking it easy (as in were sober) and getting ready for bed
Boss (11:45 AM) and the four of you were quite drunk I take it?
Me (11:45 AM) not too drunk but drunk enough
Boss (11:46 AM) so the logical answer was for all of you to go to the St.Regis and spend the night together?
Me (11:46 AM) yes
Me (11:46 AM) JTao didn’t want to go “anywhere that doesn’t have a butler”
Boss (11:47 AM) and so as I understand it the four of you went upstairs and went to bed with your respective significant others?
Me (11:48 AM) well…
Me (11:49 AM) that is how things started off
Boss (11:49 AM) you got into bed with Girl1 but did not end up in bed with Girl1?
Me (11:50 AM) well there was actually only one big king bed
Boss (11:50 AM) yes….so the four of you ended up in one bed together
Me (11:51 AM) correct
Boss (11:51 AM) and were you attempting to sleep during this period of time or would you say other things were going on?
Me (11:52 AM) there was next to no sleeping
Me (11:52 AM) champagne and general lack of self control
Me (11:52 AM) i might seriously chalk it up as one of the top three nights of my life
Me (11:52 AM) a real once in a lifetime experience
Boss (11:52 AM) and were you generally clothed during this period of time?
Me (11:53 AM) hardly some people had bathrobes
Me (11:53 AM) but there were only two and we didn’t think to ask for more
Me (11:53 AM) JTao and i generally tried to wear those and let the girls just run around naked
Boss (11:54 AM) understood
Boss (11:54 AM) and at any point in time did you and JTao decide to settle down to something more traditional and just have sex with the respective women? one or both or traded off?
Me (11:55 AM) i think the term is swinging
Boss (11:56 AM) let’s assume I am familiar with the term and am specifically inquiring what happened now that you have specified the language
Me (11:57 AM) JTao took some viagra and forced the issue and apparently the girls had been wanting to find themselves in a situation with four people switching off because they were not at all shy
Boss (12:00 PM) this raises several questions? JTao needs Viagra? did this leave you with time with each of the other 3; do the other two watch; how is this “properly” done?
Me (12:00 PM) JTao just did as a sort of party gag and he was probably significantly drunker than i was so i’m sure it helped
Me (12:01 PM) and to be sure there was nothing proper about what happened last thursday night
Me (12:01 PM) the onyl real rule is that no one gets left out
Boss (12:02 PM) so that means the girls do the girls and the guys do the guys as well?
Me (12:02 PM) haha
Me (12:02 PM) hahahahahaha
Me (12:02 PM) not quite
Me (12:02 PM) i meant that no one is left on the sidelines
Me (12:03 PM) i certainly didn’t hook up with JTao
Boss (12:03 PM) well, just to think that I thought the evening was “awkward” now I feel so much better
Boss (12:03 PM) so in the end you just screwed two women
Boss (12:04 PM) and did that while your friend and the other girl watched?
Me (12:05 PM) yeah they definitely got more than an eyefull but it wasn’t like there was an audience, it would have been a little creepy if JTao just sat there and watched Girl1 and me without taking care of Girl2
Boss (12:06 PM) and then JTao taking care of Girl1 while you took care of Girl2 as well
Me (12:06 PM) yeah with some high fives and lots of laughing in between
Boss (12:07 PM) seemingly you and JTao hooking up wouldn’t have been that big a deal given that evening
Me (12:08 PM) Girl1 and Girl2 definitely brought it up but there wasn’t a chance in hell that was going to happen
Boss (12:33 PM) well it was good to see that you had to draw the line somewhere…I guess not doing your buddy seems as good as any place, but with that evening, it seems like a slightly minor distinction
Me (12:34 PM) depends on one’s sexuality, for JTao and me it is a very important distinction indeed
Boss (12:34 PM) though I will say at the time, assuming some coherence I was going to say, its not a minor distinction; without coherence one might not have noticed
Boss (12:36 PM) but if JTao was so completely blasted that he took viagra I guess there was some concern about whisky dick whereas in your case you seemed quite confident you could keep yourself in working shape for the laides
Me (12:36 PM) yeah i think JTao just didn’t want to get embarassed next to me
Me (12:36 PM) be right back
Boss (12:42 PM) be right here
Boss (1:00 PM) u back?
Me (1:01 PM) yeah
Me (1:01 PM) just grabbed a sandwich
Boss (1:01 PM) so did this depravity continue on the weekend?
Me (1:01 PM) no much milder
Me (1:01 PM) Girl1 was out o town
Me (1:01 PM) Cincinnati
Boss (1:02 PM) ah yes her “boyfriend”
Me (1:02 PM) i don’t think she is still dating him, she was going to see other friends, however i can’t say for certain, on eof the cardinal rules is if you think you are going to hook up with a girl with a boyfriend definitely dont ask about him
Me (1:02 PM) it will often stop things dead in their tracks
Boss (1:03 PM) well that clearly did not happen
Boss (1:03 PM) and JTao who was going to hook up with Girl2–did he have sharing in mind as well?
Me (1:03 PM) yep
Me (1:04 PM) we’ve had that exact situation in mind for a while
Me (1:04 PM) we almost tricked my exgirlfriend and one of her friends into it
Boss (1:05 PM) and in this parlay do you get multiple runs at each girl or is once at each (or a total of four) sufficient
Me (1:05 PM) depends on everyone’s appetite
Boss (1:05 PM) I mean Thursday
Me (1:06 PM) i believe it was twice with one and once with one, it came full circle so to speak
Boss (1:07 PM) and does oral sex count in all this at all or they weren’t into that
Me (1:07 PM) it occured but i do not count it in the statistics
Me (1:08 PM) in that case i touched home 3 times and hit a pretty solid triple deep into right field
Boss (1:08 PM) how many triples then by your count–did they both like it
Me (1:09 PM) just one triple
Me (1:09 PM) i like to swing for the fences
Boss (1:10 PM) and that would be Girl1 or Girl2 or you don’t recall
Me (1:10 PM) chipping away at doubles and triples just makes it more likely that you will get left on base
Me (1:10 PM) Girl1
Boss (1:11 PM) not sure why u needed to wear the bathrobes
Me (1:11 PM) just to make sure they didn’t
Boss (1:12 PM) but I assume you had to take them off at some point?
Me (1:13 PM) on off yeah, but it wouldnt have nmade a difference
Boss (1:13 PM) well I can miagine it makes things just a little easier with it off
Boss (1:16 PM) rarely left speechless but this takes the cake; I can understand why you thought this was one of the highlights of your young life and certainly why you didn’t feel like coming into work
Me (1:17 PM) yeah needless to say i ddin’t get much sleep and things would have gone very bad if i’d come in
Me (1:17 PM) nice to go ahead and mark this one of the to do list
Me (1:17 PM) i have a feeling that situations like thursday night don’t get any easier as you get older
Boss (1:18 PM) I would not know
Boss (1:18 PM) after seeing your doctor earlier in the day, did you decide to use protection or was that not available
Me (1:19 PM) yeah we had to, somehow neither of these women is on birth control, makes me a littler nervous to think about 24 year old girl that like to have sex but refuses to get on birth control
Me (1:19 PM) stupid catholics
Boss (1:20 PM) well fortunate that there were enjoy rubbers to go aroound
Me (1:21 PM) the st regis was good enough to provide
Boss (1:21 PM) in the mini-bar I assume
Me (1:22 PM) actually not, had to make a phone call
Boss (1:22 PM) well hence the value of the butler
Boss (1:27 PM) I assume this is something that you think HC (a kid that used to work with me) would be happy to do with you also?
Me (1:27 PM) not sure, i’d have to recount the story to him and see what he thought about it
Me (1:28 PM) i’m sure if he met Girl1 ad her roommate he’d be damn near close to persuaded
Boss (1:30 PM) I am impressed that you think HC would be into something that bizarre
Me (1:31 PM) HC might be too shy, but who knows, some things can be very inticing
Boss (1:32 PM) possibly with the viagra
Boss (1:39 PM) this is all too much for me to handle and fathom. I am aghast with each additional level of detail. can’t say I am surprised since at this point nothing does. heading to the lawyers. leave you with the mundane and the recognition that not much at this point will ever leave me wondering again. nothing
Me (3:44 PM) MF from the client just called, wanted to know about any materials for the meeting tomorrow
Boss (3:44 PM) why don’t you tell him about Thursday night I am sure he would be entertained
